Why Doesn't Your Child Listen to You?

 
Are you frustrated because your child does not listen to you? Here are a few tips that may help you.

• Instead of scolding or commanding, try explaining : Yelling or commanding make children feel like you are on the opposite side. The more children feel like you are on their side, you are their friend, the more likely they are to listen. Also, like many adults, children often need to understand why they should or should not do something. So instead of yelling or commanding, try explaining.

• Make sure your child feels understood or listened to: The more your child feels you understand him or her, the more s/he will be willing to do the things you ask him/her. So listen attentively to your child. Make sure your child understands you are genuinely trying to understand him.You will be amazed at the difference in his/her response towards you. Also, the better you understand your child's point of view, the easier it will be to bring them around to yours.

• Ensure that the parents and other guardians are not contradicting each other: When the two parents contradict one another, the child becomes confused, and the the parent's words carry less weight. So make sure you and your spouse agree on what you are going to say to your child. In case of disagreement, do not oppose your spouse in front of the child. Talk to your spouse in private.

• Answer your children's questions: If the parents cannot give their children enough time and attention, if they don't answer their questions or satisfy their curiosity, then children turn to someone or something else. This someone or something might be a friend, the TV or someone they meet in the internet. So from a young age, give them time, answer their questions, and take their fears and concerns seriously. Because once your child starts to trust someone or something more than you, it will be difficult to turn them around.

• Do not tell your child to do something you don't do yourself: Children usually don't do what their parents say, they follow what their parents do. For example, if you tell them smoking is a bad thing while they see you or your spouse smoke, it will be difficult to keep them away from smoking. So, the best way to ensure your child listens to you is to be an example. Of course, there will be some things that you and your child will need to do differently because of the age difference. But your child can understand the difference between that and not practising what you preach.

• Make sure your child has to face some consequences when they don't listen to you: If your child can get away with doing what he pleases, he won't listen to you. Instead of yelling or threatening when your child doesn't listen to you, remain calm but arrange some punishment. Be firm. Do not let the fear that he will throw a tantrum in public let you back away from the punishment. Once your child knows that he will have to face some consequences if he does not listen to you, he will change.

• Avoid repeating the same thing over and over again: Repeating the same things over and over again lessen the importance of your words. Instead tell them once. Let them know the consequence of not listening. If they don't listen when you say the second time, let them face the consequences.

• Bridge the generation gap: Sometimes parent's expectations from their children are unrealistic in the present context. Because times have changed, we can't expect our children to be like we were as children. However, this does not mean you need to go along with everything your child is doing. The solution is to find a middle ground between their desire and yours, to strike the delicate balance between being a friend and being a guardian. Also, in many respects, such as in technology, the present generation is more advanced then ours. The more we acknowledge and appreciate this, the more we give them respect, the more likely they will be to listen to us.

• Do not impose your own dreams and ambitions on your child: Sometimes we want to fulfil our own unfulfilled dreams through our children. Instead of letting the child decide her goals based on her talents and interests, we impose our own dreams and ambitions. In such cases, children undergo serious mental conflict, and quite justifiably, might not want to listen to us. It is better to let children decide on their goals.

• Do not present things in a way that hurts your child's self respect: Sometimes we forget that children have self respect too. We criticize them in front of other people, and or tell them thing like, "You are worthless." By hurting our children's self respect, we only increase the distance between them and us, and make it less likely that they will listen to us. So be firm, arrange punishments, but avoid saying or doing things that may hurt your child's self respect.